The latter part of the winter, I usually find dreary, and being nauseas and fatigued doesn’t make it any cheerier.
This is the third winter wherein I’ve been pregnant, and the first trimester gets reeeeaaaaal old after a while.
Pregnancy is not on my top 10 favorite things to do for just a few reasons:
1. The food aversions: just thinking about chicken, quinoa, fish makes me want to throw up; let’s not even talk about their sight or heaven forbid smell.
2. Heightened sense of smell: while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about smells. Any smell, every smell is either weird or gaggable (especially any artificial scents).
3. The fatigue: I just want to sleep all the time….zzzz….except at night.
4. Nausea: last but most certainly not least, the incessant nausea. Thankfully there is Diclegus for that, but it doesn’t really help with the other three.
Now, I’m not using this as a platform to complain about pregnancy (ok maybe just a tad). My point is it’s hard and not always enjoyable (although some women have wonderful pregnancies). So why do I–why do women in general–go through pregnancy and birth? Is it because I love torturing myself, or I can’t figure out how to use birth control? Ah, no, not at all. As I lay on my couch thinking for the hundredth time is this really worth it? I see my little ladies running around playing their little games, laughing, crying fighting, and I know, from experience, this momentary suffering is worth so much more than I can ever imagine.
Honora and Rosalyn in their parents boots
It is because I love my little souls. My goals and ambitions righteous as they may be will not last forever like these little souls will. Their are no other people that I can impact for good like I can impact my girls. Their potential goes beyond mine; they will make the world better and through them, I can touch the future. Through them, I learn to be just a little less selfish and a little more loving.
A mentor of mine once said, “Pregnancy and birth is an awesome gift for it is a tangible way that women can experience ‘laying’ down their lives for another person in the way that Christ did for his family.” He gave up His glory to come to earth to live in obscurity and poverty then die for people who did not love Him or can help Him in any way. So I choose to give up my body, in a sense, to be inhabited by a little person who cannot help or better him or herself (let alone me) in any way. I learn how to selflessly love, the way I am loved by Christ. It is good.
While pregnancy is a momentarily discomfort to my body, its lessons are good for my soul.